Self-Care for Students with Drea Pryor | the nashville self-care series

The Nashville Self-Care Series hopes to give you some insight on how different women balance life, work, and relationships while trying to take care of themselves. Everyone does it differently because what works for you may not work for your friends. 

Drea Pryor, like many of the women in the self-care series, wears multiple "hats." She is a therapist, mom, Ph.D. student, and friend. Her self-care dialogue brings a lot of truth about self-care as well as sharing that she too is still trying to navigate self-care and writing a dissertation. So much of self-care is trial and error of what works and what doesn't. 

What does a typical workday look like for you?
So I get to the office super early. Not because I’m an overachiever or anything, mostly because I drop my kiddo off at school and head STRAIGHT into the office. I know if I go home there will be a small chance I’d come back. Also, there is something about sitting in the silence of the day that settles me in the place of humility. Kind of like my come to Jesus time. Once I am in the office, I typically start with breakfast. I am the epitome of the Snickers commercial that says “You’re just not you when you are hungry.” So I’ll have breakfast in a cup which is typically a green smoothie.
I like my client load to be around 4-5 clients per day. I try not to schedule more than 3 clients in a row because I find that I am just not a present if I go further. It’s like I’m sitting with you but I don’t hear you. So to my advantage as well as my client I like to break up my schedule a bit.
Due to the location of my office, get a ton of social time. Working with people that are “my people” is so comforting to me. Not only do I get to share in your life’s events and stories but if ever there is a day that I need connection or comfort, I know a close person is near. Oh and those days come often.

What are some daily, weekly, or annual/seasonal self-care practices that are beneficial to you? 
Daily: After a long day of “leaning in” presenting myself as an attachment figure and a secure base for my clients, I really like to “lean out” when I get home. I joke about it with family and friends but sometimes it’s helpful not to read anything to heavy, or watch any deep shows. I like to find a good series that has just the right amount of funny and depth that I can become involved in the character’s lives without being committed. Something about binge-watching just makes life fun. I don’t know if it’s a millennial thing or what. But knowing I can go home, snuggle on the couch and “lean out” for a while is rewarding. I also am trying to read more. I like to get into the Fictional stuff but as a therapist, it’s hard not to read things that I think will help me become a better clinician or help me understand my clients in some way. Another daily practice is intentionally washing my hands up to my elbows. A former supervisor of mine gave me this suggestion. She told me that after a long hard day of dealing with families who have been impacted by their loved one’s disease of addiction, she would intentionally wash her hands up to her elbows. Something about it helped her to disconnect and “wash the day away.”

Weekly: We have a therapy dog in training. His name is Doc and he is the sweetest pet. His loyalty is 100% with his owner, but when she is not in earshot, I’d like to think he follows me wherever I go. I can’t say that I’ve ever had the opportunity to own a dog myself so the love of a pet is kind of new to me. He is the perfect napping companion. Super sweet and very forgiving!

Annual practices: I will go and sleep over at my friend’s house during the break. Even though she is a year younger than me, her house has really become like a Big Momma’s House. The kind of house everyone spends time at over the summers has Sunday dinners or just random holidays or birthday parties. It’s truly like everyone’s home.

Annual/Daily/whenever he lets me: I try to snuggle with my kiddo. Even if he’s watching Netflix, or if he is reading a story. I ask for snuggle time on the couch. Which typically consists of me sleeping under my favorite blanket and him sitting on top of my legs. Even though he is 8.5 and almost 4.5 feet tall, I promise he is never big enough for me to want snuggle time with him.

How have self-care practices impacted your life and work?
I am BIG on metaphors. One of the very first times I flew with my child, the flight attendant told me that in the event of an emergency, I was to put my mask on first and then assist my child. Initially, after hearing this I was in complete shock. I thought to myself “Who hires these people?! How could they utter such a thing?” But then the flight attendant went on to explain that if something were to happen to me, there would be no one available to assist my son. So when I think of self-care, I think of putting my mask on first. Helping myself so that I can help others. I am sure we have all heard the phrase “You can’t pour from an empty cup? Well, a colleague shared another phrase comes which was “you cannot sip from an empty cup”. Often times we talk about pouring from an empty cup, but that would imply that I am giving out to others, which I gladly do, but when I go to drink, I have nothing to restore myself. My self-care practices have been re-invented if you will. Initially thought I had to have a ton of money to take a vacation, or have weekly pedicures and then I looked at my bank account and thought again. But as I understood more, I learned that it isn’t about spending money as it is about spending intentional time! So, self-care looks like me taking a nap, or me not taking a phone call while I am trying to accomplish smaller tasks. 

What are some obstacles in this season of life that make self-care a challenge?
Ugh! I am a 2 on the Enneagram. Also known as the Helper. It is SUPER hard for me to know what I need. Typically, when I do, it’s because I’ve gotten to the end of my rope and I am just plain exhausted. In addition, working on my dissertation for my Ph.D. There is a fine balance between pushing through until I am done and knowing when enough is enough. Unfortunately, I haven’t come across a book or an article that tells me how to do either so I am working on it.

Are there any practices of self-care that you are implementing in 2018?
Oh yes! Walking more! My friends and I all have fit-bits and we have weekly challenges. I haven’t won many but I am encouraged to keep going and keep trying. It is all about getting up and moving this year, not becoming the next Ninja Warrior!

How does your industry/field practice or promote self-care?
I think we are very careful about caring for one another but also teaching one another to learn to care for ourselves. Sometimes in this field, we think we’ve got to work hard, show up when we don’t feel like it and work until after we are tired. I don’t think that’s the way to live. I don’t think we can teach our clients about good boundaries and self-care if we are not learning it ourselves.

How would your industry/field look different if self-care was a core value?
OH man! We would have a float tank in every office! Or we would really begin to implement self-care as part of our job description. One of the things we learn in grad school is about self-care and we are provided with a brief overview of what it looks like. But in my opinion, you don’t know you need self-care until you need it. You don’t know that you are on the edge of a burn out unless you’ve been burnt out before. Maybe we can be more preventative in the way we talk about self-care but I think the example would start with us.

Are there any books/movies/songs that are currently life-giving for you? 
I am reading A Man Called Ove.  It has been a long time since I’ve read a fictional book because I am always reading for class or for my clients. But this one is intriguing because I feel Ove has a very peculiar way of life and I like the idea of following him through it.
Books: The Shack! See the movie, and read the book. What a book about one man’s journey to self, the world and God. It is so moving yet humbling. It makes spirituality tangible.
Attachment-Focused EMDR by Laurel Parnell. Everyone who knows me knows that this is like my therapy BIBLE. I really like the way that Parnell approaches EMDR through an attachment lens. I keep one in every office I am in.
Song: Weightless by Marconi Union. That song is so good I downloaded it on iTunes just to play for myself.
Deep Focus station on Spotify. I am getting into more of the meditative music that allows me to slow down and reconnect with myself.
Ledisi: Bravo! I play this song after each and every hard trial. She speaks of giving yourself encouragement for making it through the challenge. Bravo!
Musiq Soulchild: Seriously, something about his music gets me motivated to write and get work done.
Movies: Moana! I can sing that all day long. I can watch it all day long as well. It reminds me so much of the culture I was raised back home in San Francisco. It also speaks to bravery beyond measure.
Black Panther: This movie just came out but it gives me so much life. I don’t typically follow the Marvel stories in order but I am a fan of the work that they do to produce such films. I recently saw the movie and kept calling it Wakanda! It was such a wonderful film full of culture and color. I left inspired.
Coco! Can you see that I am on a trend with culture here? I really was moved by Coco
especially after the passing of my brother and father in less than a year. For me, this
movie was a way for my brother to reach out and let me know that he is always with me
and that he will never leave my side. I just have to do my part in remembering him and sharing his legacy with others. 

Drea Pryor's story: I am at Trevecca pursuing my Ph.D. in Clinical Counseling Teaching and Supervision. It is my desire to one day teach outside the walls of a classroom. I hope to bring healing to a broader level. I am trained in EFT and Attachment-Focused EMDR. I often integrate the two in my work with individuals and couples. I have a part-time private practice where I help clients heal their relational trauma wounds. I was born and raised in San Francisco, CA and moved to Tennessee to attend Fisk Universtiy. I really love chocolate cake. It's a strange thing, but I seriously love it. Even though I am an EXTREME extrovert, I really enjoy my quiet time to "sit and look". I don't get to do it as often as I like but when I can, I try to cherish it. I've got an 8.5-year-old son who thinks he's a 7 on the Enneagram because "he's a charmer" and since he has lived his entire life with me in school I've promised him a trip to Disney Land & Sea a graduation gift from me to him. I can say he is truly a charmer but he is really the greatest gift I could have ever received.

Thanks again to Drea for sharing her experiences on self-care. If you are looking to add counseling into your self-care routine or are wondering if counseling would be beneficial, contact Jessica by filling out this form. 

Self-Care for Professors with Dr. Amanda Grieme Bradley | the nashville self-care series

The Nashville Self-Care Series hopes to demystify how we see self-care. Often times, self-care can look expensive or impossible because we are all busy people with a budget. In this self-care dialogue, we see that self-care can be as simple as taking a break for lunch, reading a good book, or playing with your baby. 

Dr. Amanda Grieme Bradley was one of my favorite professors in graduate school. Her passion for the field and joy-filled engagement with students was a highlight of my program. I am excited to share her experience as a mother, wife, professor, and therapist while incorporating self-care. 

What does a typical workday look like for you?
A typical work day for me includes teaching/lecturing, meeting with students, meeting with faculty, and spending time in my office grading, working on lectures, or creating assignments. I really appreciate the different aspects of my role as a professor, as it offers me both relational opportunities as well as learning/studying opportunities. 

I also have a therapy practice so some days I teach and then spend the rest of the time in session. I usually do that once a week.  Prior to starting my day, it’s a bit crazy in my house! My husband and I have a 15-month old boy, so while we are getting ready for the day we are also tending to his lovely curiosity!

What are some daily, weekly, or annual/seasonal self-care practices that are beneficial to you?
Daily: One of the biggest self-care practices for me is that I always break for lunch. I give myself an hour between class or meetings to go to the cafeteria on campus and either eat with colleagues, students, or sometimes I just read alone. I have to work hard to implement this since my schedule can be fairly demanding. I’ve found that taking a break is not only good for my body but also good for me to slow down and take time for myself in the middle of the day. Another practice I have is to leave work by 4:30 or 4:45. I do pick up from daycare, so it is ideal if I can get out by 4:30. This has been one of my biggest adjustments to my workday… before I was a mommy, I would work late often. Now, I leave on time so I can have time with my little guy!

Another, more simple daily practice for me is reading fiction. I’ve always been an avid reader… my mom and I used to spend evenings and weekends reading together on the couch or porch swing. Taking this time to slow down and get caught up in a good story is nurturing to me.

Weekly: The weekends are family time for me. My husband and I work long days so I often feel like I don’t get enough time with my son during the week. Saturday mornings we go to a toddler music class, which is joyful and chaotic and really the cutest thing (shout out to Kym Johnson at Music City Music Together!). Spending time with my husband and son, establishing our family values, laughing and dancing, are the best part of my week. For a while, we weren’t going to church and we have recently started attending church again. This practice, this weekly ritual, is quite grounding for me. I love liturgy, I love old hymns, and I love the reverence a church service can foster.

Seasonal: I started going to monthly spiritual direction (Mallory Wyckoff is a gift!). This is a time for me to drop down, reflect on my journey with God, and identify how God is showing up in my daily life. It also slows me down … I tend to ‘go’ quickly all day long, so spiritual direction helps me slow down, reflect, and just be.

How have self-care practices impacted your life and work?
The better I take care of myself, the more intentional I am about my day. Something I’m aware of right now is that I tend to function like a ‘human doing’ rather than a ‘human being’. Self-care reminds me that I am a human, not a robot. When I slow down, I am more present in my relationships and in my work. My friends teach me a lot about self-care, too, so I think this can be contagious. As I see them take time, I am reminded to do the same.

What are some obstacles in this season of life that make self-care a challenge?
Self-care has historically been difficult for me. I am driven by efficiency, tasks, and production, so self-care has not always seemed important, relevant, or productive. However, I have learned that if I don’t take care of myself, I will get depleted, have health issues, and just get lost. Also, it’s hard to serve others when you are not taking care of yourself. The two main obstacles to self-care right now are being a mom and being busy. Learning balance as a mother has been a challenge for me … I am often exhausted at the end of the day, so it’s hard to prioritize journaling or spiritual reading when I am just done with the day. Since I work two jobs (therapist and professor), my days are often slammed and busy. I am the one that schedules those days, so my continual lesson is to slow down and use more intentionality with my schedule.

Are there any practices of self-care that you are implementing in 2018?
For Lent, I am taking a break from all social media. This is definitely a form of self-care for me. It’s easy to see the lives of other people on social media and believe that people always are living perfectly, happily, etc. Seeing beautiful pictures is not always beneficial for my heart. My toddler is not always smiling, I am not always looking cute, and my husband and I barely get to go on dates … and Instagram would indicate that everyone is experiencing the opposite for me. Already, I’m noticing how much better I feel since taking this fast.

How does the field of academia practice or promote self-care?
Academia prioritizes production in terms of research, better classroom instruction, more participation in meetings, etc. I have not noticed self-care modeled in academia, which is a hard reality. We all walk around, frazzled, from one thing to the next. Many of us show up early and work late. Many women in academia struggle with imposter syndrome, which I believe drives us to work even harder and make more personal sacrifices. I would love to try to be a change in this cultural value.

How would your industry/field look different if self-care was a core value?
This is a theme for me, but I think we would all slow down. I think we would meet less and connect more. We would model for each other and our students how to honor ourselves. There is a way to be successful while also taking good care of yourself.

Are there any books/movies/songs that are currently life-giving for you?
I just started Pilgrimage of a Soul: Contemplative Spirituality for the Active Life by Phileena Heuertz. It fits well with my journey of slowing down. I’ve also been using a prayer book published by the Irish Jesuits entitled Sacred Space. I’ve been listening to a lot to the beautiful trio Joseph; their harmonies are gorgeous and let me pretend like I know how to sing!

Amanda Grieme Bradley, Ph.D., LMFT, is a full-time associate professor of undergraduate psychology at Trevecca Nazarene University. She is also department chair of the social & behavior sciences department. In addition to her work with at Trevecca, she maintains a private therapy practice. Amanda grew up in Central Illinois but has called Nashville home since 2002. Amanda is married to her husband CJ, and they have a 15-month old son named Monroe.

Thanks again to Dr. Amanda Grieme Bradley for participating in the Nashville Self-Care Series. If you are looking to add counseling to your self-care plan, contact Jessica at 615-979-4168 or by filling out this form. 

Self-Care for the Work From Home Mom with April Moseley | the nashville self-care series

The Nashville Self-Care Series continues with the lovely April Moseley. April shares how she uses self-care to take care of herself as well as to have a healthier version of herself show up in her marriage and family. There is no "right" way to be a mother, but April offers a compelling vision of how self-care can help you be more like the mom you want to be. 

What does a typical workday look like for you? 
Well, I’m currently on maternity leave from my writing job so I’m leaning super heavily into the Mom part of my job. So right now my workday looks like playing Magnatiles, pretend, and hide and seek with my 2.5-year-old son in between nursing sessions and tummy time with my 2.5-month-old daughter. There’s a lot of making PBJs and reading children’s books and rocking and kissing boo-boos and watching the same three Disney movies on repeat and praying for temperatures above 45 degrees so my toddler can run off some energy at the playground instead of breaking everything in my house. And let’s be honest.. there’s often a 4 pm text to my husband asking what time he’s coming home to help! When maternity leave ends, I’ll still do all these things daily in my workday. I’ll just add in writing during naptime or going to a coffee shop one day a week for a few hours to read and crank out a few blogs.

What are some daily, weekly, or annual/seasonal self-care practices that are beneficial to you? 
Daily - It varies for me day to day. Oftentimes, it’s harnessing the quiet space of naptime for me to drink a cup of coffee with my journal and some music on. Practicing gratitude daily is important to me as well - this is often at dinner or bedtime or sprinkled throughout my day. Sometimes self-care is a 15-minute podcast that slows me down, centers me, and helps me get back in my body. It’s important for me to stay in touch with what’s going on for myself physically, spiritually, and emotionally each day in this taxing season with little babes or else it can come out sideways at one of my kids or my husband. I also try to read a book at some point every day. Sometimes it’s only when I lay down at night, sometimes it’s while I nurse my baby, sometimes it’s when my husband gets home and I escape to the bath for 20 minutes. Books have always been my best medicine and best escape. And coincidentally, I believe reading is also one of the most important practices for a writer. It’s hard to write well without reading well! Oh, and SLEEP. I try to prioritize my sleep as a self-care practice these days because a better-rested mama makes all the difference in the world.

Weekly - One of the most important weekly practices of self-care for me as a mom is connection. Every week does not look like calendars full of play dates to cool places with other moms and kids. Sometimes there’s a playdate to another mom’s house or them to mine so I can interact with an adult, sure. But a lot of weeks it just looks like a phone call to someone - maybe in my life phase, maybe not. Just a human being I can reach out to so someone knows how I’m doing if I’m okay, and where I need help or encouragement or prayer. Usually, it’s a friend who can say “man, I’ve felt that same way before too and it is so hard” and that empathy is the best care so many days! Connection to others, particularly other moms, keeps me out of depression and intense loneliness as well.

Also, not quite each week but definitely spaced out over the month or so, I see a therapist, a spiritual director, and talk with a mentor. I also try to get together with a few of my friends in a book club each month and that does wonders for my mental health! 

And every year, we make space as a family for some sort of vacationing - both with and without our kids. We need that space to breathe, to dream, and to cultivate space for wholehearted living without the distractions of everyday life. We always try to think hard about what we need before planning those getaways. Sometimes we need to laugh and play and sometimes we need connection to each other and sometimes we just need rest - especially at this stage! And then once we go, we try to be intentional with that time to get what we need. Sometimes we have to get creative when money is tight, but ultimately we’ve decided that even though things like vacations and therapy are expensive, our mental health and family health is more important than any physical item money can buy. And my gut says our children will be when they grow up to have a healthy family they want to come home to than the best and latest toys and cars and clothes.

How have self-care practices impacted your life and work?
Honestly, it’s changed everything to offer myself compassion and care.
I find that if I’m not filled up and cared for in my mind and soul, I have very little to offer my children, my husband, or my job. It’s also important for me to be challenged and learning always. Without that opportunity for growth, I feel stuck and uninspired. Both my spiritual director and my mentor are intentionally a good bit older than me and my counselor is just a little ahead of me in years as well. It helps me to have a perspective from different generations to keep me from being so singularly focused on these little years with kids where the days are often so very very long. And the inspiration and growth I’m experiencing gives me tools and ideas I can share with others in my writing career. It also really improves life for my husband to have a wife who is continuously working through her issues, especially since some days with little babies have you up all night and it’s hard to remember to even brush your teeth, much less offer kindness and grace to the people in your home.

What are some obstacles in this season of life that make self-care a challenge?
Lack of sleep and lack of energy, a baby that needs to eat every 2 hours, a toddler who would much prefer to have every bit of my attention who also never stops talking or moving. The little years with kids are just so all-encompassing. Literally, my whole body is being used at all times. So it’s really hard to prioritize myself when their needs seem so pressing. They are always sick or frustrated or learning or have something seemingly important I can’t miss going on. But if I don’t prioritize self-care, they get a strung-out, stressed-out, bitter and exhausted Mom and that helps no one. It also leaves me with nothing to offer my job. I’d say prioritizing is the biggest key for success in taking care of myself in order to take care of my family and provide for my job. It is truer than ever: if I don’t love myself, I have so little love to offer my family and the world. Just this week, I sat down with a pen and paper and made a list of just a few things I needed just for me and then a few things my family needed (and let’s be honest - that list was really more than a few - that’s one of the biggest obstacles too - they all need so much!). And then I went back and forth doing things on the different lists. It was a simple practice but it helped! I got myself a dentist appointment scheduled and called my doctor and those are just simple self-cares I’d never neglect for my children! Clearly, I’m still in process but I’m learning to value myself like I value them. But those other tiny humans, which are my main job right now, are the biggest obstacle to my self-care themselves, no matter how much joy and satisfaction they bring me as well.

Are there any practices of self-care that you are implementing in 2018?
Monthly spiritual direction is my favorite self-care practice I’m implementing this year. I’ve found that it is really hard to be connected each week at church with little kids that get sick or a baby you’re trying to help not cry in the back of the service. So getting together with someone who helps me notice what’s going on in my journey with God feels really important. 
I also set a goal for how many books I want to read this year using an app called GoodReads. Having a goal keeps me motivated to keep going through the list of all the different kinds of books I’ve been excited to read.
Oh and I’m also trying to practice the ancient art of asking for help when I need help. Sometimes as moms we think we need to be superheroes and do it all. But gosh, motherhood is hard and life is hard and I need help a lot! 

How does your industry/field practice or promote self-care?
As a general rule, I think the Mom world isn’t the best at promoting self-care. It almost seems counter-cultural to “need” self-care as a mom, even in these days of growing female privileges. The generations before us as well as what I saw in movies and books made it seem like the years with young children were about totally forgetting yourself and sacrificing all your uniqueness and passions to cut grapes in half all day and be at every field trip with perfectly packed lunches and a surprise while leaving your home in immaculate condition. And I think women are still fighting against that and often don’t know how to value themselves while wiping bottoms and helping with homework. So how have I seen self-care promoted for us? I’ve had to seek that out, honestly. By that I mean, my therapist really promotes it and encourages it, nudging me further in my belief that a healthy mama makes healthy kids not total neglecting of the self. And my favorite author promotes it talking about what she’s learned from the mistakes her mom made along the way. Other moms I know promote self-care sometimes too. That’s the crazy importance of being in community with other moms.. there are other people to notice when you're headed off the deep end again and aren’t caring for yourself anymore. I’m eternally grateful for those few friends who remind me I’m doing enough and deserve love and attention from myself, even on days my son has watched a movie three times. I’m hopeful the times are continuing to change in valuing the difficulty of motherhood and how necessary self-care is as even celebrities like Kristen Bell have started vocalizing this need.
In the writing world, you kind of have to seek out voices rallying for self-care too, since it can be a bit of a lonely job, particularly when you’re doing it part-time as a stay at home mom. Other writers have led the way for me, whether in blogs or books or podcasts. Another reason it’s forever necessary to stay connected to others in this job!

How would your industry/field look different if self-care was a core value?
To see moms thriving as they learn to value themselves and care for themselves is to see children thriving as they learn to value themselves as well. How can we offer our children what we don’t offer ourselves? So not just the industry of momming would change, but the humans we raise as well. So it might actually change the whole world. I think it would change the tone of marriages as well if moms were to better care for themselves. And what a gift we would give to our spouses and our children if we weren’t all laced with strung-out, stressed-out days and heaps of bitterness and resentment. Perhaps through good self-care, we won’t arrive at the empty nesting years not knowing our spouses or ourselves.

Are there any books/movies/songs that are currently life-giving for you? 
Present Over Perfect by Shauna Niequist
The Magic of Motherhood by Ashlee Gadd
Dear You: Messages for Moms by Jacquelyn B. Fletcher
The Road Back to You by Ian Cron and Suzanne Stabile
Emily P. Freeman’s Podcast: The Next Right Thing
Braving the Wilderness by Brené Brown
Out of Sorts by Sarah Bessey
The Liturgists Podcast
Ian Cron’s Typology Podcast
The Shauna Niequist Podcast
Lots of novels too :)

April Moseley is a mom and a writer with a background in marriage and family therapy and campus ministry. April received her undergraduate degree in psychology from Lipscomb and her Masters from Trevecca Nazarene University and still resides in Nashville, TN. She's an avid reader, a frequent baker, and a lover of words and people. She enjoys continuously learning and sharing on emotional health, spiritual growth, and safe places to land. She spends her free time channeling Joanna Gaines and bargain hunting to create a peaceful, inviting, and functional living space for her family and friends, specifically her husband Josh and their children - Jude and Haddie.

If you are looking for a safe space to process motherhood and work towards having the healthiest version of you show up for your family, then contact Jessica by filling out this form. If you want to read more blogs about self-care then check out these resources: