Self-Care Saturday: Creating Space for Reflection

Creating space for reflection can be one of the best tools for self-care. But slowing down and quieting your mind may be difficult. Removing yourself from the hustle of daily life may seem like an unnecessary step. Yet, often that step of creating quiet space provides a new level of creativity and thought. (Maybe this is why people say they do their best thinking in the shower). Here are some questions to reflect on this week in your quiet space. Your reflections can help re-channel your energy to produce deeper richness through the day. 

Sacred Space is a powerful daily prayer book. 

When are you feeling more hopeful? 
Where are you being encouraged? 
How are you growing in life-giving ways?                                                                                             In what activities or occasions are you using your strengths? 
Which of your relationships give you the most life and hope? 

After reflecting on these questions consider how you can make more space for these life-giving experiences and relationships. Part of creating this space will require saying "no" to something (and people) in order to say "yes" to more fruitful ways of being. Consider how you might change your daily or weekly rhythm to intentionally incorporate these practices. 

Values Light Your Way

This year I am working through Brené Brown's Living Brave semester. One of her recommended practices is reviewing your value system. She states, “A value is a way of being or believing that you hold most important.” Brené explains that values light your way as you move through life.

She uses the image of a lantern to describe what values can be like in your life. She explains, “There are no guarantees in the arena. We will struggle. We will even fail. There will be darkness. But if we are clear about the values that guide us in our efforts to show up and be seen, we will always be able to find the light. We will know what it means to live brave.” Which values light up your life in the darkness? 

Maybe you have never wrestled with what values you want to shape your life. Or maybe you are in a new season and your life values are changing. Either way now is the time to re-evaluate what you hold most important. 

Here is a short list of values that might be good guideposts for you. Pick those that can serve as filters for your decisions this year (e.g. Does having that hard conversation with my best friend lead me to be more courageous?). Select those that give insight into the core of who you are and who you want to be. Ultimately, choose a few that will help you bring light into a dark world.

When I started my private practice I created a list of "lanterns" that I wanted to illuminate my counseling. After I picked them I wrote a sentence decribing the way I wanted that value to impact my work with women, children, and families. Here they are...

Practicing Bravery: Stepping up in moments when you feel overwhelmed or afraid, but instead you choose to respond with brave action. 

Embracing Humor: Allowing the humorous moments in life to give you joy and shift your mood towards positivity and gratitude. 

Living Authentically: Choosing intentionally to be yourself instead of falling into roles that do not align with your values and passions. 

Nurturing Self-Compassion: Creating a true friendship within by giving yourself permission to treat yourself the way you care for others. 

Cultivating True Connections: Surrounding yourself with life-giving people and practicing ways that create healthier connections with those life-taking relationships. 

Writing Your Story: Owning the hard chapters of life and moving towards writing new ones. 

If you are wrestling with your core values and need some help, then feel free to contact me. Or if you are looking for a therapist who works out of the above six values, then I am happy to do a free 15-minute consultation over the phone. 

Five Ways To Simplify

At the start of 2016, you may be searching for a new way to make your life easier. Many people often look for a fast and easy way to have a better life. Often they buy into the myth that if they just add one more thing then everything will be great. You hear it on the television and radio. If you just buy this product then you will be more _______________ (beautiful, wanted, successful…). That’s a loud voice in our world.

But I want to offer you another voice today. The thing you are looking for may not be found in adding more things to your life. Instead, the thing you might need most in 2016 is the very opposite. You may need to simplify.

To simplify means to make something easier to do or understand. Simplifying is a practice. It’s a habit that you have to learn over time because removing things is never easier. For that reason the act of simplifying may seem strange, but many people are trying it anyway. And what they are finding is that by decreasing clutter in their lives then they are inviting greater calm into their lives.

Here are five ways to practice simplicity:

Mari Kondo's The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up:

This book has become a viral sensation.  It is a #1 New York Times bestseller and has inspired thousands of people to re-evaluate (or evaluate for the first time) how they organize, tidy, or let go of possessions.  Kondo walks readers through the process of determining what needs to stay and what needs to go. The question that resonated with me was “does this spark joy?” If it does, keep it. If it doesn’t, then pass it along to someone else.

Wardrobe Capsule –

To create a wardrobe capsule you need to determine how many items of clothing you actually need to create your entire wardrobe. Yes, I said, “Actually need.” The goal is to clean out your closet and have a limited number of clothing choices. Check out Pinterest for ideas.

A wardrobe capsule also helps combat Decision Fatigue. Science has shown that people can only make a certain amount of decisions in a day before it begins to wear them down completely. Choosing your outfit, breakfast, and what podcast to listen to are just a few of the decisions that build up through an ordinary day. Using a wardrobe capsule is one easy way to lower the number of decisions you make and give your brain some rest.  

Season of "No" –

For many people, the idea of saying no makes them very uncomfortable. There is guilt or fear tied to “what if they think I am selfish?” Or we might even experience a small case of FOMO (Fear of Missing Out). But we have to remember something essential: saying yes to something means saying no to something else.

So if you say “yes” to being on the neighborhood HOA, then you may miss a birthday dinner for your friend. If you say “yes” to a weekend away with your girlfriends, then you may have to say “no” to a family event that same weekend.

Establishing a season of no allows you to determine a period of time when you say “no” to anything extra that comes your way. You decide the boundaries of this season and what it does and does not include. A season of no allows you to simplify your schedule and say “yes” to being present in other surprising ways.

Create a budget –

Money makes the world go round, but it also helps you make choices. Creating a budget allows you to have an informed “yes” or “no” to new purchases or expenses. Unless you love working with numbers, budgeting may be a hard task for you. But it empowers you to be able to take a realistic view of your life and your income.

Create space for margin-

Margin is intentionally “blank space” in your life. Cultivating a schedule with margin allows you to move from a packed calendar to a more balanced life. Maybe this means Saturday morning’s schedule is empty. Maybe it means Tuesday and Thursday evenings are yours to spend however you wish. For some, the spiritual practice of Sabbath creates space for such margin. It is a practice intended to slow your life down because you have faith that someone else is in control. 

Each of the above tools is intended to move you towards a healthier way of life. Pick one and see what it does for your next week, month, or even year. If you would like to talk with someone more in depth about how to simplify in your own life, then please contact Jessica today. I am happy to talk with you about possibilities for you to have a healthier 2016.