Seven Recommendations for Self-Improvement Books

Seven Recommendations for Self-Improvement Books | Nashville, TN

Bookstores and libraries have shelves of self-help books. It can be overwhelming to know where to start. Often women will ask me which book to read to help with certain issues. For the next two posts, I want to give you some recommendations for two dimensions of your life: your relationship with yourself and your relationship with others.

Here are 7 books I recommend to those who want to work on their relationship with themselves. These are in no particular order.

1. Anything by Brené Brown.
I recommend starting with Gifts of Imperfection, which is her shortest book.  Daring Greatly and Rising Strong are both helpful reads for anyone wanting to live whole-heartedly. I recommend her books to anyone who feels weighed down by shame or for those who internally wrestle with feeling like “enough.”

2. Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change, and Thrive in Work and Life - Susan David
Dr. David's book gives guidance to handling the range of emotions we experience on a daily basis. She gives strategies for noticing emotions as well as how to make value-informed decisions to move forward in light of those emotions. I recommend this book to anyone who has ever struggled to know what to do with his or her emotions.

Using tools like Audible or Nashville Public Library's OverDrive App can be helpful for auditory learners. 

Using tools like Audible or Nashville Public Library's OverDrive App can be helpful for auditory learners. 

3. The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma - Bessel Von Der Kolk
Dr. Bessel Von Der Kolk is a psychiatrist who lays out a comprehensive framework and understanding of trauma and its effects on our bodies and brains. Be warned that the stories in this book may be difficult for some to read due to the intensity of their traumatic content. However, this book is a fascinating read about how trauma physically and emotionally impacts us and what trauma recovery can look like. I recommend this to anyone who has experienced any level of trauma in life.

4. Trauma Stewardship: An Everyday Guide to Caring for Self While Caring for Others - Laura Van Dernoot Lipsky  

When I recommend this book I always start by saying, "When I read this book the first time, I broke a pen because I underlined so many pages". The book maps out how working with trauma can impact us. The author also helps show how you can still work in trauma related fields in meaningful and sustainable ways. I highly recommend this book to anyone working in a trauma related field. This includes nurses, doctors, firefighters, social workers, therapists, ministers, vet techs, police offers, Department of Children Services employees, teachers and many other professions that work closely with those who are affected by trauma.

5. Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter--And How to Make the Most of Them Now - Meg Jay
Dr. Jay focuses her work on the important season of life we call “the twenties.” She shows how critical these ten years are in the life of young adults and gives practical advice on how to make the most of them. Dating, career, friendships, and both mental and physical changes are all addressed in an honest and relatable fashion. I recommend this if you are in your twenties, work with twenty-somethings, or love a twenty-something.

6. The Assertiveness Guide for Women: How to Communicate Your Needs, Set Healthy Boundaries, and Transform Your Relationships - Julie de Azevedo Hanks
One constant topic in my office concerns the challenge of communication. This book is a helpful guide for women who want to learn communication in helpful and healthy ways. I recommend this book for those wanting practical tips to move them towards more assertive communication. 

7. Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself - Kristin Neff
Self-compassion is often misunderstood to be self-pity, self-indulgence, and self-esteem. But Neff’s work helps the distinct traits of self-compassion. I recommend this book to anyone looking for tools that that can strengthen your own practice of self-compassion. 

Next week, I will share three more books for improving your relationships with others. If you are looking more support in your self-improvement journey in Nashville, then fill out this form for a 15-minute phone consultation. 

These are a few of my favorite things : February Edition

These are a few of my favorite things : holistic self-care ideas

One of my passions is self-care. The thing about self-care is that most of us "know" we need it, but we do not always know how to do it. This year I am focusing on my holistic self-care. I am trying to intentionally incorporate caring for myself in physical, spiritual, emotional, and relational ways. Here are a few ideas that have helped me in 2016. 

1. Bora Bora Fireballs: Don't let the name scare you off. This is my favorite new recipe of 2016. These meatballs are a gluten-free, dairy-free, and refined sugar-free meal that taste amazing. What is especially great about this meal is how many you make at once and then can eat throughout the week. But be warned you may go through them faster than you think. Large batch cooking saves time later in the week (and gives you more space for other self-care practices). 

2.  Brené Brown's COURAGEworks Living Brave Semester:  Brené Brown holds a special place in my life. I connect with her work due to her authentic voice and strong research background. Going through her virtual classroom has lead to multiple personal shifts. Read how this class has impacted my re-evaluation of my values

3. Diamonds by JohnnySwim: In December I attended JohnnySwim's Holiday show (and I am already hoping they come back to Nashville next December). A few of their songs resonate with me, but this song is one of my new favorites. I love the resilience pouring from this song: "We are the brave. We are the chosen ones. We are the diamonds, rising up out the dust." Listen to Diamonds and let me know what you think. We're the light when the day is done. 

4. Sacred Space: The Prayer Book 2016 - Sacred Space is a book of daily readings that include six prayers, a Scripture reading, and a brief reflection. One thing I love about this book is the way these prayers and reflections often point towards connecting to Jesus through emotional experiences. In my spiritual practice of self-care, I am constantly searching for resources that are able to connect both mentally and emotionally in deepening my faith. This book continues to be a treasure. 

 5. Nayyirah Waheed's poetry: I cannot describe her work and art better than she can. So here are a few of my favorite poems.

What are some of your favorite things in your life? What practices or items are bringing you joy? Do you have any highlights from February?

Values Light Your Way

Values Light The Way | Jessica McCoy Counseling

This year I am working through Brené Brown's Living Brave semester. One of her recommended practices is reviewing your value system. She states, “A value is a way of being or believing that you hold most important.” Brené explains that values light your way as you move through life.

She uses the image of a lantern to describe what values can be like in your life. She explains, “There are no guarantees in the arena. We will struggle. We will even fail. There will be darkness. But if we are clear about the values that guide us in our efforts to show up and be seen, we will always be able to find the light. We will know what it means to live brave.” Which values light up your life in the darkness? 

Values Light the Way | Brene Brown | Nashville

Maybe you have never wrestled with what values you want to shape your life. Or maybe you are in a new season and your life values are changing. Either way now is the time to re-evaluate what you hold most important. 

Here is a short list of values that might be good guideposts for you. Pick those that can serve as filters for your decisions this year (e.g. Does having that hard conversation with my best friend lead me to be more courageous?). Select those that give insight into the core of who you are and who you want to be. Ultimately, choose a few that will help you bring light into a dark world.

Core Values | Nashville Counseling

 

When I started my private practice I created a list of "lanterns" that I wanted to illuminate my counseling. After I picked them I wrote a sentence decribing the way I wanted that value to impact my work with women, children, and families. Here they are...

 

Jessica McCoy Core Values | Nashville Therapy

Practicing Bravery: Stepping up in moments when you feel overwhelmed or afraid, but instead you choose to respond with brave action. 

Embracing Humor: Allowing the humorous moments in life to give you joy and shift your mood towards positivity and gratitude. 

Living Authentically: Choosing intentionally to be yourself instead of falling into roles that do not align with your values and passions. 

Nurturing Self-Compassion: Creating a true friendship within by giving yourself permission to treat yourself the way you care for others. 

Cultivating True Connections: Surrounding yourself with life-giving people and practicing ways that create healthier connections with those life-taking relationships. 

Writing Your Story: Owning the hard chapters of life and moving towards writing new ones. 

If you are wrestling with your core values and need some help, then feel free to contact me. Or if you are looking for a therapist who works out of the above six values, then I am happy to do a free 15-minute consultation over the phone.