Every year Christians of various traditions celebrate a season called Advent. Advent occurs during the weeks leading up to Christmas day and comes from a word that means "arrival." This season is a time when Christians look back and remember the arrival of Jesus on the earth in the form of a baby. They also look forward in hope trusting that Jesus will one day arrive again. In the meantime, we wait for this arrival.
If you are like me, then you are not good at waiting. When I have to wait, I get restless and distracted. I can even get impatient. But I am learning that waiting can also be good for me. When I have to wait, I am forced to remember and reflect on what is most important. Waiting creates space for me to connect to God and to those around me.
For that reason, I want to encourage you in this season of waiting to intentionally connect with those around you. Specifically, allow Advent to be a time when you are fully present with your children. Create space and time to strengthen the bonds with your family. Making time to connect with your family is often hard during the busy holiday season, but maybe being present with your family is the best present you can give. Here are 5 ideas of how you can connect with you children during Advent.
1. Share with your children the stories of their births/adoptions.
Birth stories are powerful stories because they begin to answer the question of “Who am I?” These stories help form their identities. They begin to create the narratives your children will continue to write for the rest of their life. They need to hear you tell their story.
One of the beautiful parts of the birth story of Jesus is that it wasn’t a perfect story. His story had highs, lows, hopes, and fears. Can you imagine Mary sitting him down and telling him about the time they had to run from authorities just to keep him alive? Can you imagine how that one story might have given him strength when the authorities were after him later in life?
One of the beautiful parts of the birth story of your child is that it wasn't perfect either. His or her story also had highs, lows, hopes, and fears. You may be tempted to skip over the hard parts because that feels kinder when telling your child his or her story. But there is power in not glossing over those difficult moments. Recounting the lows gives your child a chance to connect to you by helping them acknowledge that life can be hard. You are acknowledging that we can do the hard parts together. Can you imagine the power of telling your child how scared you were when the doctors took him to the NICU, but then how proud you were of him for being so strong when you were able to take him home? Can you imagine how that one story might give them a new confidence to be resilient later in life?
Help your child to see that life contains hard moments, but that you still love them no matter what. Let them know that you were nervous because you had never had a baby before, but then you and Dad got the hang of it. Or share that you were so excited to adopt her, but you were afraid that the 8-hour plane flight home would be scary for her. These stories will connect you to your child in powerful ways.
Healthy connection is loving someone through the highs and the lows. Give your child the gift of knowing that you waited for them. Give them the gift of letting them know you still love them no matter what. They will not forget these stories.
Connection Tip: Look for times when you were able to meet your child’s needs and share those moments with your child. “You had a tough time falling asleep, but then I figured out that you liked to sleep swaddled in a blanket. You slept so much better after that.” You are sharing that you are able to tune into what your child needs and then provide exactly what is needed.
Connection Tip: When you bring up the harder moments of your child's birth story or adoption, do not label your child's behavior as negative. "You were such a crier" does not foster strong connection and negatively shapes your child's view of self. Instead, reflect on what was hard, but share it with empathy and compassion. "The first couple of days were tough because you kept crying, but then the doctor explained that you had reflux. Then we changed what you ate and in a couple days you felt better."
2. Use the Advent calendar for connection activities